The new Danny DeVito-voiced Dr. Seuss movie The Lorax hits theaters this Friday, and ever since Danger outlined the first trailer I’ve been holding strong to the notion that Always Sunny’s Frank Reynolds is the actual voice of the Lorax. Or at the very least DeVito is channeling Frank Reynolds when grumpily ushering kids through a magical adventure (“I am not going to diddle your kids!”).

Regardless, the subject makes for good timing to pay tribute to everyone’s favorite WHOre-loving, gun-enthusiast anti-father figure, as well as feed my It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia withdrawal. I really can’t properly portray in words how much I enjoyed putting this together, reliving Rum Ham, Lethal Weapon 5, and other assorted greatest hits.

I should also take a moment to mention that Frank Reynolds was conspicuously dropping “monster condoms” for his “massive dong” long before Zac Efron thought of doing it. Whether the Lorax taught Efron this move is unclear, but it does make for some nice symmetry.

#Frank+Reynolds

Man-Spider!

FX

Halloween is Friday, do you have a costume yet? Since everyone loves It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia-inspired costumes, and with the trailer for season ten dropping yesterday, I thought I’d put together this helpful guide based on It’s Always Sunny’s most wardrobe-versatile character: Frank Reynolds. Full disclaimer though, in order to successfully pull off any of these costumes the wearer should ideally be no taller than 5’0″ and weigh no less than 175 pounds. However, most of these can probably still be pulled off unisex.

Casual Frank

FX

Props needed: Red, short-sleeved button-down shirt, thick black-rimmed eyeglasses and a fake pistol. (For a more authentic costume use a Smith & Wesson Model 19 Snubnose in place of the fake pistol.)

Costume variation: Button-down shirt can be swapped for a white wife-beater, but only if it looks like it was dragged through the dirt a few times.

Man-spider Frank

FX

Props needed: Black sweater with red-sequined black widow spider marking on the front, black partial face mask, cheap craft store googly eyes.

Mantis Toboggan, M.D.

FX

Props needed: White lab coat, doctor’s stethoscope and head mirror — either costume prop or (preferably) procured from a hospital by illicit means; home HIV test kit.

Trashman Frank

FX

Props needed: Metal trashcan, spandex King Kong Bundy-style wrestling suit.

Undercover Frank

FX

Props needed: An old couch you don’t mind damaging and a can of Crisco for effect.

FX

Frank Reynolds is a horrible human. I mean, everyone on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is a terrible monster, but he makes the rest of the Gang look like Gladys by comparison. Science says so. But the actor who plays everyone’s favorite depraved Trashman, Danny DeVito, is the opposite of Frank — he’s a pretty cool guy. Here are six good things DeVito, who turned 70 today, has accomplished that Frank was too busy cleaning his gun to think about.

1. Danny DeVito: Feminist

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From a profile in the Guardian:

Is Hollywood unfair to women? “I don’t think it’s only Hollywood, I think it’s just generally speaking [DeVito responds]. Most men somewhere in their psyche are still dragging women around by their hair. It’s terrible. I have two daughters, but even before my kids were born I always thought that it was terrible.”

In his opinion, feminism has made some men even more reactionary. Does he think that the sexes are too combative? “It’s not so much that. I just don’t think equality is there at all. And it’s not only women. It’s inequality for young people, old people, women, minorities – there’s no balance. We’re seeing that in the world. People feeling that there’s an incredible lack of genuine fairness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a capitalist, but if I know that my money’s into something that I don’t want it to be in, then I take it out immediately”. These days, DeVito mainly likes to invest in green concerns. “I don’t want to propagate more smog in the air, I don’t want to deplete the rainforests, I don’t want to do anything like that.” (Via)

Also, he was a hairdresser before he got into acting, though that was mostly for the chicks.

2. Danny DeVito: Producer

Universal Pictures

While Frank Reynolds will star in any Chief-humping movie that comes his way, DeVito is a little more discerning. Jersey Films and Jersey Television, part of his and wife Rhea Perlman’s Jersey Group, have produced Reality Bites, Pulp Fiction, Gattaca, Out of Sight, Erin Brockovich, Garden State, Man on the Moon, How High, and both Reno 911 the show and the movie.

3. Danny DeVito: Maker of Matilda

TriStar Pictures

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is the better movie, but as far as films based on Roald Dahl books go, I like Matilda more. I was nine years old the first time I saw it, the perfect age to want a teacher like Miss Honey, eat a cake like Bruce Bogtrotter, and be terrified of Trunchbull like Matilda. But even though I was disgusted by Matilda’s parents then, I’m now glad that DeVito (who also directed) used his production company to make the movie after his daughter Lucy brought the book home. Like Matilda herself, it’s smarter than the average kid(‘s film).

4. Danny DeVito: Environmentalist

Universal Pictures

As he mentioned in his chat with the Guardian, DeVito is a big-time environmentalist, which is why he was cast as the titular role in The Lorax (also, they could be twin brothers). He wanted the message of the overly slick, but well meaning film to be heard by as many people as possible, so DeVito recorded his lines in English, Spanish, Italian, German, AND Russian.

5. Danny Devito: Fundraiser

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He’s involved with multiple charities, including Keep Memory Alive (which raises funds to develop a cure for Alzheimer’s) and Hole in the Wall Gang, the “world’s largest family of camps for children with serious illnesses and life threatening conditions.”

6. Danny DeVito: Good with Fans (Especially Ones Who Look Like Him)

Via IMGUR

That baby’s not going into any dumpsters (probably).

BONUS

You once claimed that you and Rhea Perlman had filthy sex in the White House. I’m probably going to regret asking this, but was that just a joke?

The thing is, Rhea and I are married. We were having sex even before we were married. So whenever we’re near a bed and it’s nighttime, our tendency is to have sex. So we were at the White House, showing our support for Hillary’s Children’s Defense Fund, and we were invited to stay the night in the Lincoln Bedroom. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but it’s a really gorgeous bed. And we kinda turned it into, you know… (long pause) we turned it into Sodom and Gomorrah.

(Laughs.) Oh sweet Jesus!

Let me just leave you with one thing. The Lincoln bed is very, very big. It also has bedposts. So if you’re thinking about doing anything even remotely filthy in the Lincoln Bedroom, don’t forget to bring the long restraints.

Did you remember to bring the long restraints?

Naw, we just used towels. But in the morning, Rhea wouldn’t untie me. I begged her, but she didn’t care. She’s like, “You can stay there all day.” That’s the way it is sometimes. They leave you tied up, man. That’s the bad part. (Via)

OK, maybe he’s exactly Frank Reynolds.

FX

FX

Frank Reynolds started off on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia as a nice enough guy. He just wanted to shed some of his material possessions and spend more time with his kids. Pretty reasonable. However, it didn’t take long for the real Frank Reynolds to stand up, and he’s been getting realer and realer ever since. Here are some of his most deplorable moments.

Creepy Ladies Man

Since the beginning, Frank has always had a way with he ladies. However, as the years have gone on, he’s gotten less subtle.

Exploitative Business Man

He remembers those who made the ultimate sacrifice in Vietnam. Even if it was at a sweatshop in 1993.

Prostitute Connoisseur

It might not be building model airplanes or drawing, but Frank has hobbies, too. Despicable ones.

He’s Disgustingly Persuasive

A legend known as “The Warthog” in the business world, he’s very persuasive in all the ways you wish you didn’t know he was. Poor, poor easily led astray Tiny.

A Pageant MC And Singer

Since he first showed up in Season 2, Frank’s appearance has become more unhinged. At this point, he’s going for broke. But does he look suspicious?

Does He Sound Suspicious?

Despite his monstrous streak, he has the soul of an artist. As is demonstrated by the lyrical construction of his song about not diddling kids.

And his performance as the troll in “The Nightman Cometh.”

A Man Who Recognizes He’s Garbage

Frank has simple burial wishes that don’t take into account the hopes of his loved ones: Just toss him in the trash. Although, he’s also given permission to have his corpse banged.

Via Tumblr

Here’s to you, Frank Reynolds, even though you’re the worst.

FOX

Not every TV dad can be cool, likable, or even good at being a father. There are plenty of dastardly, deadbeats out there in TV land, but it’s the ones that manage to stick around and win our hearts from time to time that leave a lasting impression that sends their TV children to therapy at some point. Take Homer Simpson above, a TV dad that just missed this list thanks to his better qualities shining through. Sure he still chokes his son at any given moment, can’t remember his baby daughter’s name, and crushed his middle daughter’s saxophone just to name a few bad things, but he’s made up for it.

That’s where this list comes in, showcasing the dads that make Homer Simpson and other, nicer, cooler dads look good. The kind of dad that goes off for the weekend with a woman he just met at a bar and possibly shows up to see you off to school on Monday morning. Good times for all. I’ve probably overlooked a few, so feel free to toss your suggestions into the comments below.

Netflix

George Bluth – Arrested Development

George makes this list for several reasons, none of which include his time in prison. He’s pitted his children against each other and filmed it for profit, forced them to work at a frozen banana stand that was a stolen idea and essentially a front for illegal activity, made his one son complicit with his wrongdoings, and showed little compassion for two out of his four children (one of which was stabbed in prison). Not only that but he essentially abandoned the family on numerous occasions, mostly to sleep with random women at his cabin in Lake Tahoe.

Fox

Al Bundy – Married With Children

What is more cruel than putting your children into a will that will saddle them with debt for the rest of their lives? Not much, but Al Bundy does manage to top himself from time to time. There’s the general thievery and “schemery” that he locks Kelly and Bud into, particularly when one of them falls into success or temporary wealth. But the greatest crime is bringing Bud and Kelly into a world that neither loves or understands them and forces them to devour toaster leavings for sustenance. At least Al does seem to swell with Bundy pride from time to time, showing some love and affection to his children and even proving that he does love his wife.

HBO

Tony Soprano – The Sopranos

Oh sure, go ahead and say that Tony is actually a loving and supportive father that puts a roof over his family’s head. That’s exactly what he’d say, too. The truth is that he’s a murdering criminal that has probably done a lot more to hurt his children indirectly than any of the other kids you’ll hear about on this list. Tony might be a loving father on the surface, but it is that residual effect from his lifestyle that do the most damage. For example, he practically ran one of Meadow Soprano’s boyfriends off because he was black (and because his father heard about Tony’s profession) and then had another boyfriend killed due to “business.” Not to mention the way that word gets around about Tony’s lifestyle and the way he treats some of these parents, namely David Scatino played by Robert Patrick. You have to go to a lot of sporting events to get away from that.

HBO

Tywin Lannister – Game Of Thrones

Probably the worst dad on the list all around, Tywin Lannister claims to do everything for his family. He obviously earned a bit of leeway considering he practically built his family up out of the gutters of ruination, but you don’t expect much fatherly advice from a guy who views love and compassion as weakness. Having adult children that are scared to death of your presence due to severe punishments and lack of compassion throughout their lives is not a fun thing when Father’s Day rolls around. Not to mention his relationship with Tyrion. It doesn’t go well for them at all, especially in the end. No spoilers.

AMC

Rick Grimes – The Walking Dead

You might be saying, “hey, why is Rick on this list? He’s a good dad.” You’d be damn wrong. He might be the shiniest token on this list, but he’s also got a lot of dirt on his rap sheet as a father. He’s got no trouble being loving and caring, unlike the last person on the list, but Rick just kinda sucks at the whole dad business here in the zombie apocalypse. Losing your baby girl is a pretty big black mark against your parenting skills. Then go ahead and toss in the craziness, talking to your dead wife on the telephone, and murder, and you’re setting a pretty poor example for your kids. He’s probably on the very edge of this list, but he makes it.

FX

Frank Reynolds – It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

While he seemed fairly competent upon his entrance into the series, we soon came to see that Frank Reynolds was a scumbag of the highest order. This transferred over to his relationship with his former children, Dennis and Sweet Dee, but also to his probable child, Charlie. Buying all the presents your children want for Christmas, but keeping them for yourself? That’s scummy. Pumping your daughter full of steroids to win a fight against a lifelong enemy? Kinda scummy. At least he’s treating Charlie pretty well for a kid that survived an abortion (that Frank pushed for).

CBS

Archie Bunker – All In The Family

Just because someone is a lovable racist curmudgeon from another era doesn’t mean he isn’t a terrible father. Archie Bunker may have let Gloria live in his house with Mike/Meathead and babied his daughter for years, but the man was still a fairly nasty person who made life difficult for those around him. It makes for great television, but it is going to make for a terrible life. Just try bringing some friends over for fun and hanging out with a guy tossing out offensive stereotypes in the living room.

Fox

Peter Griffin – Family Guy

When it comes to bad animated dads, the next two Seth MacFarlane creations are probably the most cruel of the bunch. They’re the animated versions of Tywin Lannister, but with goofy interests and weird side stories. Peter Griffin saves most of his cruelty for his daughter, Meg. Spitting in her lemonade, throwing said lemonade in her face, wiping boogers on her, leaving her places, shooting her, tripping her into things, calling her names, generally making fun of her. It’s all there.

TBS

Stan Smith – American Dad

In the same universe (I think), we have Stan Smith. A self-involved, CIA patriot who can give or take his children at any point in the series. One moment he’s showing deep love and compassion for the well being of Steve and Haley, but then the next he’s secretly allowing one to be conditioned to be an assassin, bullying his son in an effort to teach him to be a man, and threatening all of them with violence at one point or another. Stan takes Peter Griffin’s bad dad qualities and amplifies them with the aid of CIA tech and a never-ending will to succeed. He’s an assh*le.

AMC

Don Draper – Mad Men

Oh did you like the end of Mad Men? Where Don smiled and had the realization about a commercial for a sugary beverage that is supposedly the greatest commercial ever created? Well, how about the family he left behind? The kids he walked around on all the time and basically treated like junk for the entirety of the series. For goodness sake, his daughter, Sally, walked in on him cheating on his wife. He even admits that he has a disconnect with his children in the series. That’s not good at all, and it’s the result of his actions as a father. He might shine a bit when he defends Sally Draper against her mother, but who is there at the end of the day? Who stays behind with the kids? Not hippie Don Draper searching for inner peace on a hill top in Big Sur. Happy Father’s Day Henry Francis, you’re the one who deserves an ugly tie.

FX

There have been many great TV roommate duos over the years, but there is none more deplorable and unsettling than the Charlie Kelly/Frank Reynolds tandem. Everything about Charlie’s apartment is probably in violation of health and building codes, and when he takes on Frank as a roommate things somehow become even worse. The apartment is declared a “sh*thole” by nearly all those who enter through its disgusting door, and for good reason.

In honor of It’s Always Sunny‘s return, let’s examine the roommate relationship between Frank and Charlie and why shacking up with them would be a very, very bad idea.

Hwang would be your landlord.

Given the dilapidated living conditions of Charlie’s building, it’s no surprise that his landlord is an angry individual who despises his tenants. Hwang isn’t the type of landlord to arrange tenant mixers or do something like make sure the heat’s working. No, he’s more the type to bang on your door and threaten to throw you on the street, only backing down when faced with a firearm as in “The Gang Gets Gun Fever.” Of course, maybe if Frank didn’t pay the rent by throwing burning money at him he’d be a little more hospitable.

FX

Cooking is limited to a hot plate.

Charlie and Frank have made apartment 210 their home, but by all appearances, this unit was never intended for occupancy and is merely a room that they’re living in. Case in point, it has no bathroom — or at least one that Charlie warns Dee she shouldn’t use — and no stove; two basic things found in every apartment. Cooking is limited to a hot plate and it’s likely just a matter of time before the whole place ends up burning down.

Furniture is lacking and covered in feces.

In the episode “Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person,” Charlie, Mac, and Frank launch their plans to take the music world by storm with the birth of their band, Chemical Toilet. In the spirit of rock n’ roll, Mac channels his inner rock star the only way he knows how — by smashing the nearest piece of furniture. This happens to be Charlie’s “good chair” which Mac points out is “covered in bird sh*t.” Charlie denies this saying that it’s toothpaste, but is quickly called out for not owning a toothbrush by Mac. Any future roommates that Frank and Charlie take on would be wise to bring their own furniture, or just avoid the predicament completely by living anywhere else.

Unsettling bedtime rituals are a must.

Poor foolish Dee. She makes the mistake of shacking up with Charlie and Frank in the season four episode “Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life” and is never the same because of it. It’s in this episode where we learn just how truly horrifying Frank and Charlie’s living conditions are with open cans of pee littered throughout the apartment and thousands of rats hidden within the slum’s walls. It’s best to just eat some cat food, huff some glue, and forget about the squalor you’re living in.

The building is possibly haunted.

We can’t be for certain that Frank and Charlie’s building is haunted, but its hallways are occupied by junkies and creepy little twins who attempt to lure Dee into some sort of nightmare play date. As disgusting as it might be inside Charlie’s apartment unit, the building’s hallways are far more terrifying come nightfall.

Privacy involves going into a couch crevice.

Being that Frank and Charlie share a single room occupancy unit, privacy is pretty much nonexistent. Sure, there’s a boarded up mystery room, but there’s no telling what sort of disgusting horrors lurk in there, or if Frank and Charlie are even aware of its existence. The only privacy to be found involves crawling into the crevice of the couch’s foldout bed. It’s not much privacy, and, as Frank reveals in “A Very Sunny Christmas,” it’s actually Charlie’s go-to spot for “pounding off.”

Living there is damaging to your health.

FX

Never mind the open containers of cat urine and lack of heating, the place is crawling with bed bugs. Granted, the apartment was likely crawling with bedbugs already, but it’s Dee who pays the price when she passes out on the bed and wakes up covered in bed bites because of Mac’s dog, Poppins. The entire building is later bug bombed and consumed by toxic gas to kill the bed bugs that Poppins brought in. So, unless you’re looking for a place that’s either crawling with blood-sucking bed bugs or a virtual gas chamber, it’s best to take your apartment search elsewhere.

FX

Bed poop, ’nuff said.

Rats, bed bugs, and the absence of a kitchen; those are all more than legitimate reasons why one should never consider bunking with Frank and Charlie, but they’re not even the worst issues. The most glaring incident that lingers over Charlie’s apartment is the semi-regular bed pooping. Pooping in a bed isn’t a crime, but it possibly should be and Frank is guilty of laying overnight bed turds on multiple occasions. The whole thing is downright deplorable and speaks volumes about Frank as a monster of a roommate, though it’s hard to declare either of them as a “winner” when trying to decide who is worse.

FX

When patriarch Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito) made his appearance in the opening episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’s second season, the dynamic of the gang changed forever. Before Frank, they were a group of self-important narcissists who shirked their responsibilities and regularly drank themselves into oblivion. As circumstances required that the three Paddy’s Pub owners Dennis (Glenn Howerton), Charlie (Charlie Day), and Mac (Rob McElhenney) cut Frank in on the action, his impact was immediately felt by everyone — though with the same amount of narcissism and alcohol. To celebrate Frank and the shrewdness he’s famous for, here are nine quotes to remind you that you absolutely would not want to work for him.

“This is a brilliant idea, hobovertising! Come on it looks good, beer ’em.”

FX

Frank was never above appealing to the lowest common denominator in any situation, up to and including using the homeless as walking billboards for Dennis’ foray into local politics. If this sounds ridiculous, don’t forget that a company tried a very similar endeavor at SXSW a couple years ago to fairly widespread criticism. This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the kinds of things you can expect if Frank was signing your paychecks.

“Don’t look at me. You made this bed; you’re sleeping in it. This is a life lesson for you.”

FX

When it comes to profit and glory, Frank’s all about taking his fair share. Should you maybe find yourself in a little bit of trouble, Frank will not only turn his back on you, he’ll make it seem like he’s doing you a favor. Then he’d probably eat your lunch before washing it down with a nice Wolf Cola.

“Charlie, you showed a lot of balls stealing my money. That shows leadership. I’m promoting you to manager.”

FX

One of the most damning aspects to Frank as a boss is that his decisions are as erratic as his personality — a lesson that the gang learns early on when he not only promotes Charlie, despite the fact he stole from him, while punishing Mac for doing the exact same thing. No matter what, you’d never know where you’d stand with Frank.

“I put us all in a ranking system so you’d all care about your jobs.”

FX

We’ve all had a job where the boss thought the best approach was to micro-manage every little thing, all day, day after day. While that kind of approach will almost always lead to staff-wide resentment, it wouldn’t hold a candle to assigning all the employees a number based on an arbitrary ranking system. In fact, had Charlie not burst in with news that he’d nearly cost them their bar, this almost surely would’ve ended in some kind of gladiatorial death match.

“… and a lot of good men died in that sweatshop.”

FX

Frank’s quick to cite his time in Vietnam as a rallying cry for American freedom, even when Dee (Kaitlyn Olsen) reminds him that he went there in the early ’90s to open up a sweatshop — a fact that he does not deny. In fact, he comes back with this fairly unsettling tidbit about exactly what he’s willing to do just so he can make a buck.

“Listen, it could be a miracle, it could be bullsh*t. There’s only one thing we know for sure: It’s a goddamn goldmine!”

FX

When Frank looks at an idea, he does so with dollar signs in his eyes. Whether it exploits people’s faith or ignores the bar’s desperate need for new plumbing is irrelevant to him. Not exactly boss material, unless this is the kind of walking capitalistic nightmare that you’re looking for in an employer.

“If we’re gonna turn this company around, we gotta start cutting the crust off this sh*t sandwich!”

FX

For one glorious episode, we see Frank don his dress clothes, along with his long-forgotten mantle of ‘The Warthog’ as he’s called in to save the company he once founded. Given Frank’s unflinching and downright ruthless business practices, he’s not in the building more than a few minutes before he fires someone and sends someone off crying. Which is actually pretty tame compared to what he ends up doing by the time the credits roll.

“I may have started a money fire.”

FX

I mean really, do you see yourself wanting to work for a guy who has the same approach to conflict resolution as The Joker did in The Dark Knight?

“Look, if life pushes you down you gotta push back! If you’re dealt a bunch of lemons, you’ve got to take those lemons and stuff them down someones throat until they see yellow! And if some punk-ass kid humiliates you, you’ve got to do the only thing that’s left to do!”

FX

This is not only Frank’s business philosophy, but also his general outlook on life. On the surface it may seem like this cutthroat, take-no-prisoners approach has its inspirational undertone, until you realize that you could very easily be the one seeing yellow, with Frank himself pushing the lemons down your throat. Don’t forget, Frank’s rules only really apply to Frank (and his bottom line), and everyone else in the meantime is incidental.

FX / Nintendo

If you remember, there was a petition floating around to get Danny DeVito to voice Detective Pikachu in Nintendo’s imported tweak on the classic Pokemon character. Some of us even made pretty good cases for why Frank Reynolds/DeVito would make the perfect candidate for the voice.

It was a fairly popular petition, but like most petitions, it turns out to be worthless. A fan asked the Always Sunny star about the project at the cast’s recent session at the Paley Center and he gave a very direct and memorable answer:

At an event in LA yesterday, DeVito was asked if he was aware of fans wanting him to voice Detective Pikachu to which he responded, “No. I don’t know what you’re talking about” before asking his fellow It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia cast members, “What the f*ck is Pokémon?”

Destructoid carried the initial report, but if you don’t fully believe it to be true, the Paley Center actually Tweeted about it to their account:

One can only hope that they’ll release video at some point. The visual of DeVito looking a little bewildered and then asking the gang what the f*ck a Pokemon is sounds exactly like something you’d see on the show.

The sad news won’t stay sad for long. Nintendo fans will just have to go for their backup choice for Pikachu’s detective voice:

(Via Destructoid / Paley Center)

If you’ve ever watched a movie to the end you may have seen the disclaimer often put in the credits about coincidences and familiarities between characters in the film and those who may also share a name with real life people. That disclaimer seems to have been created for situations like one that came up on Friday, when a news story about a Frank Reynolds caught the attention of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia fans.

The show’s patriarch, played by Danny DeVito, has a long history of insane exploits on one of the longest-running live action sitcoms in television history. And though he’s an entirely fictional lunatic, an actual Frank Reynolds had a harrowing incident from his real life go viral because it sounded like something Frank from Sunny would somehow pull off.

The Associated Press shared the story of a real-life Reynolds, a 53-year-old man who was trying to round up cattle in Wyoming and was pinned underneath an ATV.

“It was scary as hell is what it was,” Reynolds said Wednesday from a hospital room.

Family thought Reynolds had gone camping or was with friends, said Quentin Reynolds, the Campbell County undersheriff and Frank’s brother.

Later Monday, they began to worry. Eventually, they learned Frank Reynolds had planned to do some work on the property, where he was laying with a dislocated shoulder and broken ribs.

That kicked off a search for Reynolds, who tried to honk the ATV’s horn to attract someone’s attention until the vehicle’s battery wore down. With no help coming and no food, the rancher made it two days by using only what was in his cooler: beer and water.

He was able to ration a couple of bottles of water and Keystone Light beers from a cooler, Sheriff Scott Matheny said.

Searching on horseback, neighbor Don Hamm found Reynolds around 8 a.m. Tuesday. By that point, Reynolds recalled he was “pretty much out of it.”

“Everything on the left side pretty much hurt, from the top of my head to my toes,” he said.

It’s an incredible story, and one that shows serious perseverance in the face of life-threatening circumstances. And thankfully, Reynolds survived the ordeal. Which is probably why people on Twitter could see the news and make some comparisons to the Frank Reynolds from Sunny without feeling too bad about it.

There were a good number of rum ham jokes, too.

Many more were simply stunned his name was “Frank Reynolds” and repeating that alone made it trend on Twitter. But the lesson here is to always be careful riding ATVs on uneven terrain. And maybe, you know, keep a cooler full of beverages on you at all times, just in case.

The new Danny DeVito-voiced Dr. Seuss movie The Lorax hits theaters this Friday, and ever since Danger outlined the first trailer I’ve been holding strong to the notion that Always Sunny’s Frank Reynolds is the actual voice of the Lorax. Or at the very least DeVito is channeling Frank Reynolds when grumpily ushering kids through a magical adventure (“I am not going to diddle your kids!”).

Regardless, the subject makes for good timing to pay tribute to everyone’s favorite WHOre-loving, gun-enthusiast anti-father figure, as well as feed my It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia withdrawal. I really can’t properly portray in words how much I enjoyed putting this together, reliving Rum Ham, Lethal Weapon 5, and other assorted greatest hits.

I should also take a moment to mention that Frank Reynolds was conspicuously dropping “monster condoms” for his “massive dong” long before Zac Efron thought of doing it. Whether the Lorax taught Efron this move is unclear, but it does make for some nice symmetry.

#Frank+Reynolds

Man-Spider!

Halloween is Friday, do you have a costume yet? Since everyone loves It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia-inspired costumes, and with the trailer for season ten dropping yesterday, I thought I’d put together this helpful guide based on It’s Always Sunny’s most wardrobe-versatile character: Frank Reynolds. Full disclaimer though, in order to successfully pull off any of these costumes the wearer should ideally be no taller than 5’0″ and weigh no less than 175 pounds. However, most of these can probably still be pulled off unisex.

Casual Frank

Props needed: Red, short-sleeved button-down shirt, thick black-rimmed eyeglasses and a fake pistol. (For a more authentic costume use a Smith & Wesson Model 19 Snubnose in place of the fake pistol.)

Costume variation: Button-down shirt can be swapped for a white wife-beater, but only if it looks like it was dragged through the dirt a few times.

Man-spider Frank

Props needed: Black sweater with red-sequined black widow spider marking on the front, black partial face mask, cheap craft store googly eyes.

Mantis Toboggan, M.D.

Props needed: White lab coat, doctor’s stethoscope and head mirror — either costume prop or (preferably) procured from a hospital by illicit means; home HIV test kit.

Trashman Frank

Props needed: Metal trashcan, spandex King Kong Bundy-style wrestling suit.

Undercover Frank

Props needed: An old couch you don’t mind damaging and a can of Crisco for effect.

Frank Reynolds is a horrible human. I mean, everyone on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is a terrible monster, but he makes the rest of the Gang look like Gladys by comparison. Science says so. But the actor who plays everyone’s favorite depraved Trashman, Danny DeVito, is the opposite of Frank — he’s a pretty cool guy. Here are six good things DeVito, who turned 70 today, has accomplished that Frank was too busy cleaning his gun to think about.

1. Danny DeVito: Feminist

From a profile in the Guardian:

Is Hollywood unfair to women? “I don’t think it’s only Hollywood, I think it’s just generally speaking [DeVito responds]. Most men somewhere in their psyche are still dragging women around by their hair. It’s terrible. I have two daughters, but even before my kids were born I always thought that it was terrible.”

In his opinion, feminism has made some men even more reactionary. Does he think that the sexes are too combative? “It’s not so much that. I just don’t think equality is there at all. And it’s not only women. It’s inequality for young people, old people, women, minorities – there’s no balance. We’re seeing that in the world. People feeling that there’s an incredible lack of genuine fairness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a capitalist, but if I know that my money’s into something that I don’t want it to be in, then I take it out immediately”. These days, DeVito mainly likes to invest in green concerns. “I don’t want to propagate more smog in the air, I don’t want to deplete the rainforests, I don’t want to do anything like that.” (Via)

Also, he was a hairdresser before he got into acting, though that was mostly for the chicks.

2. Danny DeVito: Producer

While Frank Reynolds will star in any Chief-humping movie that comes his way, DeVito is a little more discerning. Jersey Films and Jersey Television, part of his and wife Rhea Perlman’s Jersey Group, have produced Reality Bites, Pulp Fiction, Gattaca, Out of Sight, Erin Brockovich, Garden State, Man on the Moon, How High, and both Reno 911 the show and the movie.

3. Danny DeVito: Maker of Matilda

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is the better movie, but as far as films based on Roald Dahl books go, I like Matilda more. I was nine years old the first time I saw it, the perfect age to want a teacher like Miss Honey, eat a cake like Bruce Bogtrotter, and be terrified of Trunchbull like Matilda. But even though I was disgusted by Matilda’s parents then, I’m now glad that DeVito (who also directed) used his production company to make the movie after his daughter Lucy brought the book home. Like Matilda herself, it’s smarter than the average kid(‘s film).

4. Danny DeVito: Environmentalist

As he mentioned in his chat with the Guardian, DeVito is a big-time environmentalist, which is why he was cast as the titular role in The Lorax (also, they could be twin brothers). He wanted the message of the overly slick, but well meaning film to be heard by as many people as possible, so DeVito recorded his lines in English, Spanish, Italian, German, AND Russian.

5. Danny Devito: Fundraiser

He’s involved with multiple charities, including Keep Memory Alive (which raises funds to develop a cure for Alzheimer’s) and Hole in the Wall Gang, the “world’s largest family of camps for children with serious illnesses and life threatening conditions.”

6. Danny DeVito: Good with Fans (Especially Ones Who Look Like Him)

That baby’s not going into any dumpsters (probably).

BONUS

You once claimed that you and Rhea Perlman had filthy sex in the White House. I’m probably going to regret asking this, but was that just a joke?

The thing is, Rhea and I are married. We were having sex even before we were married. So whenever we’re near a bed and it’s nighttime, our tendency is to have sex. So we were at the White House, showing our support for Hillary’s Children’s Defense Fund, and we were invited to stay the night in the Lincoln Bedroom. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but it’s a really gorgeous bed. And we kinda turned it into, you know… (long pause) we turned it into Sodom and Gomorrah.

(Laughs.) Oh sweet Jesus!

Let me just leave you with one thing. The Lincoln bed is very, very big. It also has bedposts. So if you’re thinking about doing anything even remotely filthy in the Lincoln Bedroom, don’t forget to bring the long restraints.

Did you remember to bring the long restraints?

Naw, we just used towels. But in the morning, Rhea wouldn’t untie me. I begged her, but she didn’t care. She’s like, “You can stay there all day.” That’s the way it is sometimes. They leave you tied up, man. That’s the bad part. (Via)

OK, maybe he’s exactly Frank Reynolds.

Frank Reynolds started off on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia as a nice enough guy. He just wanted to shed some of his material possessions and spend more time with his kids. Pretty reasonable. However, it didn’t take long for the real Frank Reynolds to stand up, and he’s been getting realer and realer ever since. Here are some of his most deplorable moments.

Creepy Ladies Man

Since the beginning, Frank has always had a way with he ladies. However, as the years have gone on, he’s gotten less subtle.

Exploitative Business Man

He remembers those who made the ultimate sacrifice in Vietnam. Even if it was at a sweatshop in 1993.

Prostitute Connoisseur

It might not be building model airplanes or drawing, but Frank has hobbies, too. Despicable ones.

He’s Disgustingly Persuasive

A legend known as “The Warthog” in the business world, he’s very persuasive in all the ways you wish you didn’t know he was. Poor, poor easily led astray Tiny.

A Pageant MC And Singer

Since he first showed up in Season 2, Frank’s appearance has become more unhinged. At this point, he’s going for broke. But does he look suspicious?

Does He Sound Suspicious?

Despite his monstrous streak, he has the soul of an artist. As is demonstrated by the lyrical construction of his song about not diddling kids.

And his performance as the troll in “The Nightman Cometh.”

A Man Who Recognizes He’s Garbage

Frank has simple burial wishes that don’t take into account the hopes of his loved ones: Just toss him in the trash. Although, he’s also given permission to have his corpse banged.

Here’s to you, Frank Reynolds, even though you’re the worst.

Not every TV dad can be cool, likable, or even good at being a father. There are plenty of dastardly, deadbeats out there in TV land, but it’s the ones that manage to stick around and win our hearts from time to time that leave a lasting impression that sends their TV children to therapy at some point. Take Homer Simpson above, a TV dad that just missed this list thanks to his better qualities shining through. Sure he still chokes his son at any given moment, can’t remember his baby daughter’s name, and crushed his middle daughter’s saxophone just to name a few bad things, but he’s made up for it.

That’s where this list comes in, showcasing the dads that make Homer Simpson and other, nicer, cooler dads look good. The kind of dad that goes off for the weekend with a woman he just met at a bar and possibly shows up to see you off to school on Monday morning. Good times for all. I’ve probably overlooked a few, so feel free to toss your suggestions into the comments below.

George Bluth – Arrested Development

George makes this list for several reasons, none of which include his time in prison. He’s pitted his children against each other and filmed it for profit, forced them to work at a frozen banana stand that was a stolen idea and essentially a front for illegal activity, made his one son complicit with his wrongdoings, and showed little compassion for two out of his four children (one of which was stabbed in prison). Not only that but he essentially abandoned the family on numerous occasions, mostly to sleep with random women at his cabin in Lake Tahoe.

Al Bundy – Married With Children

What is more cruel than putting your children into a will that will saddle them with debt for the rest of their lives? Not much, but Al Bundy does manage to top himself from time to time. There’s the general thievery and “schemery” that he locks Kelly and Bud into, particularly when one of them falls into success or temporary wealth. But the greatest crime is bringing Bud and Kelly into a world that neither loves or understands them and forces them to devour toaster leavings for sustenance. At least Al does seem to swell with Bundy pride from time to time, showing some love and affection to his children and even proving that he does love his wife.

Tony Soprano – The Sopranos

Oh sure, go ahead and say that Tony is actually a loving and supportive father that puts a roof over his family’s head. That’s exactly what he’d say, too. The truth is that he’s a murdering criminal that has probably done a lot more to hurt his children indirectly than any of the other kids you’ll hear about on this list. Tony might be a loving father on the surface, but it is that residual effect from his lifestyle that do the most damage. For example, he practically ran one of Meadow Soprano’s boyfriends off because he was black (and because his father heard about Tony’s profession) and then had another boyfriend killed due to “business.” Not to mention the way that word gets around about Tony’s lifestyle and the way he treats some of these parents, namely David Scatino played by Robert Patrick. You have to go to a lot of sporting events to get away from that.

Tywin Lannister – Game Of Thrones

Probably the worst dad on the list all around, Tywin Lannister claims to do everything for his family. He obviously earned a bit of leeway considering he practically built his family up out of the gutters of ruination, but you don’t expect much fatherly advice from a guy who views love and compassion as weakness. Having adult children that are scared to death of your presence due to severe punishments and lack of compassion throughout their lives is not a fun thing when Father’s Day rolls around. Not to mention his relationship with Tyrion. It doesn’t go well for them at all, especially in the end. No spoilers.

Rick Grimes – The Walking Dead

You might be saying, “hey, why is Rick on this list? He’s a good dad.” You’d be damn wrong. He might be the shiniest token on this list, but he’s also got a lot of dirt on his rap sheet as a father. He’s got no trouble being loving and caring, unlike the last person on the list, but Rick just kinda sucks at the whole dad business here in the zombie apocalypse. Losing your baby girl is a pretty big black mark against your parenting skills. Then go ahead and toss in the craziness, talking to your dead wife on the telephone, and murder, and you’re setting a pretty poor example for your kids. He’s probably on the very edge of this list, but he makes it.

Frank Reynolds – It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

While he seemed fairly competent upon his entrance into the series, we soon came to see that Frank Reynolds was a scumbag of the highest order. This transferred over to his relationship with his former children, Dennis and Sweet Dee, but also to his probable child, Charlie. Buying all the presents your children want for Christmas, but keeping them for yourself? That’s scummy. Pumping your daughter full of steroids to win a fight against a lifelong enemy? Kinda scummy. At least he’s treating Charlie pretty well for a kid that survived an abortion (that Frank pushed for).

Archie Bunker – All In The Family

Just because someone is a lovable racist curmudgeon from another era doesn’t mean he isn’t a terrible father. Archie Bunker may have let Gloria live in his house with Mike/Meathead and babied his daughter for years, but the man was still a fairly nasty person who made life difficult for those around him. It makes for great television, but it is going to make for a terrible life. Just try bringing some friends over for fun and hanging out with a guy tossing out offensive stereotypes in the living room.

Peter Griffin – Family Guy

When it comes to bad animated dads, the next two Seth MacFarlane creations are probably the most cruel of the bunch. They’re the animated versions of Tywin Lannister, but with goofy interests and weird side stories. Peter Griffin saves most of his cruelty for his daughter, Meg. Spitting in her lemonade, throwing said lemonade in her face, wiping boogers on her, leaving her places, shooting her, tripping her into things, calling her names, generally making fun of her. It’s all there.

Stan Smith – American Dad

In the same universe (I think), we have Stan Smith. A self-involved, CIA patriot who can give or take his children at any point in the series. One moment he’s showing deep love and compassion for the well being of Steve and Haley, but then the next he’s secretly allowing one to be conditioned to be an assassin, bullying his son in an effort to teach him to be a man, and threatening all of them with violence at one point or another. Stan takes Peter Griffin’s bad dad qualities and amplifies them with the aid of CIA tech and a never-ending will to succeed. He’s an assh*le.

Don Draper – Mad Men

Oh did you like the end of Mad Men? Where Don smiled and had the realization about a commercial for a sugary beverage that is supposedly the greatest commercial ever created? Well, how about the family he left behind? The kids he walked around on all the time and basically treated like junk for the entirety of the series. For goodness sake, his daughter, Sally, walked in on him cheating on his wife. He even admits that he has a disconnect with his children in the series. That’s not good at all, and it’s the result of his actions as a father. He might shine a bit when he defends Sally Draper against her mother, but who is there at the end of the day? Who stays behind with the kids? Not hippie Don Draper searching for inner peace on a hill top in Big Sur. Happy Father’s Day Henry Francis, you’re the one who deserves an ugly tie.

There have been many great TV roommate duos over the years, but there is none more deplorable and unsettling than the Charlie Kelly/Frank Reynolds tandem. Everything about Charlie’s apartment is probably in violation of health and building codes, and when he takes on Frank as a roommate things somehow become even worse. The apartment is declared a “sh*thole” by nearly all those who enter through its disgusting door, and for good reason.

In honor of It’s Always Sunny‘s return, let’s examine the roommate relationship between Frank and Charlie and why shacking up with them would be a very, very bad idea.

Hwang would be your landlord.

Given the dilapidated living conditions of Charlie’s building, it’s no surprise that his landlord is an angry individual who despises his tenants. Hwang isn’t the type of landlord to arrange tenant mixers or do something like make sure the heat’s working. No, he’s more the type to bang on your door and threaten to throw you on the street, only backing down when faced with a firearm as in “The Gang Gets Gun Fever.” Of course, maybe if Frank didn’t pay the rent by throwing burning money at him he’d be a little more hospitable.

Cooking is limited to a hot plate.

Charlie and Frank have made apartment 210 their home, but by all appearances, this unit was never intended for occupancy and is merely a room that they’re living in. Case in point, it has no bathroom — or at least one that Charlie warns Dee she shouldn’t use — and no stove; two basic things found in every apartment. Cooking is limited to a hot plate and it’s likely just a matter of time before the whole place ends up burning down.

Furniture is lacking and covered in feces.

In the episode “Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person,” Charlie, Mac, and Frank launch their plans to take the music world by storm with the birth of their band, Chemical Toilet. In the spirit of rock n’ roll, Mac channels his inner rock star the only way he knows how — by smashing the nearest piece of furniture. This happens to be Charlie’s “good chair” which Mac points out is “covered in bird sh*t.” Charlie denies this saying that it’s toothpaste, but is quickly called out for not owning a toothbrush by Mac. Any future roommates that Frank and Charlie take on would be wise to bring their own furniture, or just avoid the predicament completely by living anywhere else.

Unsettling bedtime rituals are a must.

Poor foolish Dee. She makes the mistake of shacking up with Charlie and Frank in the season four episode “Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life” and is never the same because of it. It’s in this episode where we learn just how truly horrifying Frank and Charlie’s living conditions are with open cans of pee littered throughout the apartment and thousands of rats hidden within the slum’s walls. It’s best to just eat some cat food, huff some glue, and forget about the squalor you’re living in.

The building is possibly haunted.

We can’t be for certain that Frank and Charlie’s building is haunted, but its hallways are occupied by junkies and creepy little twins who attempt to lure Dee into some sort of nightmare play date. As disgusting as it might be inside Charlie’s apartment unit, the building’s hallways are far more terrifying come nightfall.

Privacy involves going into a couch crevice.

Being that Frank and Charlie share a single room occupancy unit, privacy is pretty much nonexistent. Sure, there’s a boarded up mystery room, but there’s no telling what sort of disgusting horrors lurk in there, or if Frank and Charlie are even aware of its existence. The only privacy to be found involves crawling into the crevice of the couch’s foldout bed. It’s not much privacy, and, as Frank reveals in “A Very Sunny Christmas,” it’s actually Charlie’s go-to spot for “pounding off.”

Living there is damaging to your health.

Never mind the open containers of cat urine and lack of heating, the place is crawling with bed bugs. Granted, the apartment was likely crawling with bedbugs already, but it’s Dee who pays the price when she passes out on the bed and wakes up covered in bed bites because of Mac’s dog, Poppins. The entire building is later bug bombed and consumed by toxic gas to kill the bed bugs that Poppins brought in. So, unless you’re looking for a place that’s either crawling with blood-sucking bed bugs or a virtual gas chamber, it’s best to take your apartment search elsewhere.

Bed poop, ’nuff said.

Rats, bed bugs, and the absence of a kitchen; those are all more than legitimate reasons why one should never consider bunking with Frank and Charlie, but they’re not even the worst issues. The most glaring incident that lingers over Charlie’s apartment is the semi-regular bed pooping. Pooping in a bed isn’t a crime, but it possibly should be and Frank is guilty of laying overnight bed turds on multiple occasions. The whole thing is downright deplorable and speaks volumes about Frank as a monster of a roommate, though it’s hard to declare either of them as a “winner” when trying to decide who is worse.

When patriarch Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito) made his appearance in the opening episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’s second season, the dynamic of the gang changed forever. Before Frank, they were a group of self-important narcissists who shirked their responsibilities and regularly drank themselves into oblivion. As circumstances required that the three Paddy’s Pub owners Dennis (Glenn Howerton), Charlie (Charlie Day), and Mac (Rob McElhenney) cut Frank in on the action, his impact was immediately felt by everyone — though with the same amount of narcissism and alcohol. To celebrate Frank and the shrewdness he’s famous for, here are nine quotes to remind you that you absolutely would not want to work for him.

“This is a brilliant idea, hobovertising! Come on it looks good, beer ’em.”

Frank was never above appealing to the lowest common denominator in any situation, up to and including using the homeless as walking billboards for Dennis’ foray into local politics. If this sounds ridiculous, don’t forget that a company tried a very similar endeavor at SXSW a couple years ago to fairly widespread criticism. This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the kinds of things you can expect if Frank was signing your paychecks.

“Don’t look at me. You made this bed; you’re sleeping in it. This is a life lesson for you.”

When it comes to profit and glory, Frank’s all about taking his fair share. Should you maybe find yourself in a little bit of trouble, Frank will not only turn his back on you, he’ll make it seem like he’s doing you a favor. Then he’d probably eat your lunch before washing it down with a nice Wolf Cola.

“Charlie, you showed a lot of balls stealing my money. That shows leadership. I’m promoting you to manager.”

One of the most damning aspects to Frank as a boss is that his decisions are as erratic as his personality — a lesson that the gang learns early on when he not only promotes Charlie, despite the fact he stole from him, while punishing Mac for doing the exact same thing. No matter what, you’d never know where you’d stand with Frank.

“I put us all in a ranking system so you’d all care about your jobs.”

We’ve all had a job where the boss thought the best approach was to micro-manage every little thing, all day, day after day. While that kind of approach will almost always lead to staff-wide resentment, it wouldn’t hold a candle to assigning all the employees a number based on an arbitrary ranking system. In fact, had Charlie not burst in with news that he’d nearly cost them their bar, this almost surely would’ve ended in some kind of gladiatorial death match.

“… and a lot of good men died in that sweatshop.”

Frank’s quick to cite his time in Vietnam as a rallying cry for American freedom, even when Dee (Kaitlyn Olsen) reminds him that he went there in the early ’90s to open up a sweatshop — a fact that he does not deny. In fact, he comes back with this fairly unsettling tidbit about exactly what he’s willing to do just so he can make a buck.

“Listen, it could be a miracle, it could be bullsh*t. There’s only one thing we know for sure: It’s a goddamn goldmine!”

When Frank looks at an idea, he does so with dollar signs in his eyes. Whether it exploits people’s faith or ignores the bar’s desperate need for new plumbing is irrelevant to him. Not exactly boss material, unless this is the kind of walking capitalistic nightmare that you’re looking for in an employer.

“If we’re gonna turn this company around, we gotta start cutting the crust off this sh*t sandwich!”

For one glorious episode, we see Frank don his dress clothes, along with his long-forgotten mantle of ‘The Warthog’ as he’s called in to save the company he once founded. Given Frank’s unflinching and downright ruthless business practices, he’s not in the building more than a few minutes before he fires someone and sends someone off crying. Which is actually pretty tame compared to what he ends up doing by the time the credits roll.

“I may have started a money fire.”

I mean really, do you see yourself wanting to work for a guy who has the same approach to conflict resolution as The Joker did in The Dark Knight?

“Look, if life pushes you down you gotta push back! If you’re dealt a bunch of lemons, you’ve got to take those lemons and stuff them down someones throat until they see yellow! And if some punk-ass kid humiliates you, you’ve got to do the only thing that’s left to do!”

This is not only Frank’s business philosophy, but also his general outlook on life. On the surface it may seem like this cutthroat, take-no-prisoners approach has its inspirational undertone, until you realize that you could very easily be the one seeing yellow, with Frank himself pushing the lemons down your throat. Don’t forget, Frank’s rules only really apply to Frank (and his bottom line), and everyone else in the meantime is incidental.

If you remember, there was a petition floating around to get Danny DeVito to voice Detective Pikachu in Nintendo’s imported tweak on the classic Pokemon character. Some of us even made pretty good cases for why Frank Reynolds/DeVito would make the perfect candidate for the voice.

It was a fairly popular petition, but like most petitions, it turns out to be worthless. A fan asked the Always Sunny star about the project at the cast’s recent session at the Paley Center and he gave a very direct and memorable answer:

At an event in LA yesterday, DeVito was asked if he was aware of fans wanting him to voice Detective Pikachu to which he responded, “No. I don’t know what you’re talking about” before asking his fellow It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia cast members, “What the f*ck is Pokémon?”

Destructoid carried the initial report, but if you don’t fully believe it to be true, the Paley Center actually Tweeted about it to their account:

One can only hope that they’ll release video at some point. The visual of DeVito looking a little bewildered and then asking the gang what the f*ck a Pokemon is sounds exactly like something you’d see on the show.

The sad news won’t stay sad for long. Nintendo fans will just have to go for their backup choice for Pikachu’s detective voice:

(Via Destructoid / Paley Center)